“Everybody knows the damn truth
Our nation lied, we lost respect
When we wake up, what can we do?
Get the kids ready, take them to school
Everybody knows they don't have a chance
To get a decent job, to have a normal life
When they talk reforms, it makes me laugh
They pretend to help, it makes me laugh
I think I understand why people get a gun
I think I understand why we all give up
Every day they have a kind of victory
Blood of innocence, spread everywhere
They say that we need love
But we need more than this”-Madonna God Control
Every single day in America someone dies because of a gun. How many school shootings need to occur before we make changes? How many children need to bleed to death? How many innocent people need to die at concerts or night clubs? How many people are going to survive one shooting just to go somewhere a year later and end up getting shot to death? When will people start caring? Everybody knows the damn truth!
A NEW DEMOCRACY!....We NEED to WAKEUP!
The best thing about living in America is that we have the right to express ourselves. Freedom of speech is the most important amendment that we have. Even though sometimes, and I’m sure many of you agree, I wish some people didn’t have the freedom to say whatever they wanted, since some people just say the worst things possible and use the absolute worst kind of rhetoric ever....Especially our current President of the United States, but for whatever reason people actually like the toxic hateful bull shit that comes out of his mouth.
In case it isn’t obvious, or if no one has noticed, or if I haven’t mentioned it enough, I am gay. That’s right, I am your typical Britney, Madonna, Gaga, Beyoncé loving gay man who is obsessed with pop culture. Who writes about boys he’s dated on a blog and goes to see his favorite queens in concert over and over again.
Why am I bringing up my sexuality? Because it’s shaped me into who I am as a person. Along with many other things I have been through in life.
I grew up nearly blocks away from where the World Trade Center/Twin Towers once stood a long time ago. I lived through 9/11. I saw it all happen before my very eyes in my classroom at school. I was only eleven years old. And we had to evacuate my house for a while due to all the smoke and debris that entered our apartment. It didn’t help that we lived on the 33rd floor, so the impact was very real.
I will probably save my 9/11 experience in full detail for a separate post when the 9/11 anniversary comes around. So I don’t want to say too much, but I just remember living in so much fear. I was scared every day that we were going to die. Seeing Osama Bin Laden’s face constantly on the news freaked me out. I had nightmares. I used to be so scared I never wanted to be alone. I hate that this had to be one of the things to add to the list of things I’ve been through in life. Although fortunately for my family and I, we did not lose anyone that day.
The only good thing that came from 9/11 was that for the first time ever, and basically the only time that I can remember, America was unified. Everyone was so proud to be an American, no matter who they were or where they came from. Everyone stood united. For a brief moment no one was worried so much about racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. Even though it absolutely still existed, everyone seemed to ban together for once to fight against terrorism and to stand up for the brothers and sisters we lost. I hate to say it, and although I wish 9/11 never happened, I do miss when we were as united as we were back then, it’s unfortunate we are no longer at that point. We are very far from it....
Around this time I was starting to get into Madonna. She influenced me in so many ways but especially politically. She made the song “American life” to protest president Bush. Also to make a statement about America being so superficial “Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far? Should I lose some weight? Am I gonna be a star?” Those exact lyrics are things I have struggled with my whole life. I have tried so hard to both fit in and stand out for as long as I can remember.
I was only 12 or 13 and I was forming political beliefs and opinions. I remember when I would go to confirmation class the nun would tell us that you can only have sex to have babies. I was the kid who questioned “what if people are gay?” “What if people don’t want to have kids?” And of course I got in trouble for that.
I wrote an essay in an 8th grade English class about why abortion should be legal. We were going to war with Iraq and I thought it was disgusting. I was so against it. I felt like Bush was lying about weapons of mass destruction, I felt like we should have focused more on trying to defeat Osama Bin Laden, and anything about the Iraqi war made absolutely no sense to me.
This is why I loved when Emma Gonzalez, victim of the Parkland school shooting, made an important speech about the assumptions people have on kids. “(They feel that) us kids don’t know what we’re talking about, that we are too young to understand how the government works. We call B-S!” Kids are smarter than they get credit for, if they care or are smart enough they know what’s going on. Especially if they have been through something as horrific as a school shooting. It is so disgusting to me to this day that grown ass adults attacked those kids for speaking out. It’s shameful.
As the years would go by, when I was in high school, I was one of the first to use social media as a platform to speak up about my political views. I literally made memes before they were called “memes”, and posted about politics on MySpace before most people really started doing it. I made memes with president Bush’s face, writing “TRAITOR” in big letters across his face. I had a picture of Candolezza Rice with Madonna lyrics “Don’t talk, don’t speak, don’t say your sorry” written across her face. I posted pictures of poor kids in Africa starving to death so people could start caring about what was going on around the world.
The first time I ever was able to vote was in 2008 and I had just turned 18. I was very vocal about my disregard for John McCain, may he Rest In Peace, and I could not help but make fun of Sarah Palin. I was beyond excited to vote for Barack Obama. I was also beyond excited to vote for the very first time. It’s sad that today most kids don’t care about voting, and most young people in general, even people my age, no longer care about voting. When it’s more important than ever right now.
I believe the fear and terror of going through 9/11 and having Madonna as an idol, truly influenced me to be politically left and liberal. Also being part of an oppressed group since (again, in case you didn’t know) I am gay. And the things I went through for being gay also further influenced my political views. Being gay influenced my views more than anything else. I am sure that is the same for most gay people and it blows my mind that republicans and conservatives feel the need to fight with and try and convince us we are wrong about a political party that has politicians who try to dehumanize us.
I have been harassed, tormented, insulted, and almost killed for being gay several times throughout my life. In our society sure, being gay has slowly but surely become more acceptable. We have a gay man (Pete Buttigieg) who actually has a shot at possibly being president. But to this day many people still look at being gay as a joke. To the point where straight men constantly mock gay men, pretend to be gay with each other to be funny, mocking and making fun of those who are actually gay.
I remember this being a thing in high school and what is sad is that it still is a thing even now. I’ve even seen many grown old ass men do this even recently. I am sure other gay men know what I am talking about, but when I’ve spoken about this on social media straight people seemed to be confused and clueless about it....
When people find out I am gay all the sudden they ask all kinds of ridiculous questions based off of stereotypical assumptions. A lot of people see being gay as something only sexual. They don’t understand it whatsoever. And it’s honestly frustrating that even to this very day, I have to get asked “have you ever been with a girl?” And then the shock and confusion I receive when I say “no”, and the shock that I get when I say “I would never try it nor do I want to”. And then people always say “maybe you just need to try it” and when I explain that I can’t do that, they do not understand and look at me like I am crazy. If it were that simple wouldn’t they try being gay too?
Honestly this and the mocking of gays are my biggest pet peeves. It disgusts me. Its angers me so much I start to get anxiety even thinking about it and it’s a constant thing that I go through and see all the time. I try to just accept it. I did better with it years ago, I even was a little homophobic at one point as a gay person but I think I was just tying to fit in. I didn’t mind gay slurs or when people mocked gays. As long as I was seen as less flamboyant and different than other gays, I was fine.
But now I am different. Very different. I just want to snap at this point when I go through these things or see them happen. I’ve gone through hell being gay, if it were that easy, believe me, I would’ve just tried being with a woman. I was born this way and it’s internally frustrating that I need to keep explaining this, even to this day.
I remember the times I dressed a certain way and got called “faggot”. I remember the times I’d be out with female friends and straight guys would harass them and wouldn’t leave them alone when they weren’t interested and I would have to step in. Next thing you know I’m the “faggot ass bitch” and they would try to fight me and torment me. The amount of times this occurred I don’t even know and it is sickening and I am sure many women and many gay men know exactly what I am talking about.
I have stories for days. I feel like in high school I kept myself overweight and ugly partly because I was worried to be my true self. I was able to mask my true identity because I was worried about everyone judging me. I came from a family that’s basically conservative republican. I am the sheep in the family because I am one of the only ones who is politically liberal or who actually gave a shit about social injustice with a passion. And honestly people don’t get how personal it is when family or friends support politicians who don’t see you as human and who would take away your rights from you if they could.
I am beyond grateful though that they were accepting of me being gay. I have met gay people who did not have it so easy. I had a friend in high school whose parents kicked her out of her house for being a lesbian. My parents were kind enough to let her sleep over time to time.
Being gay wasn’t really an issue but there were many homophobic things said throughout my childhood that definitely made me scared to come out. But I am grateful that once I did, when I was 21 and dating my ex, it all went well and I believe mindsets changed. There is a lot more to that story that’s extremely personal but I will maybe share it one day if it ever were to feel right.
Being so overweight and unattractive caused a lot of issues for me as well. I was over 400 pounds at one point. That’s right, I was morbidly obese. I always had friends and people were kind to me. I know other overweight kids went through it worse but I did go through some types of bullying and torment for it. It ate me up inside but I tried to keep it to myself, even though for the most part I felt like an ugly beast. I literally felt like the hunchback of Notre Dame. This is why it’s so triggering for so many people to have a president who reminds them of the ugly high school bully who groped girls behind the bleachers at sports games and was a dick to anyone who was different or smart in school.
The only people who really brought me into their lives and treated me like a human being were people of color. My friends were mostly black, Latina/Latino, or Asian of some kind. They took me into their homes and into their lives. They were my closest and realest friends. I considered them brothers and sisters. A lot of these people are the ones I had falling outs with and wrote about which is why it all hurt so much. These people became my family, my life, my everything.
Because of them I was thoroughly educated and learned so much about racism and the things they had to face that no one ever taught me at home. My family was very closed off when it came to these things and because of that they were a bit unaware and closed minded towards these types of issues. I heard stories but also saw and experienced things that also helped shape my views in so many ways.
I am a white kid who came from bougie, upscale, TriBeCa in lower Manhattan. Yet unlike a lot of white folks, I was able to leave my neighborhood and go into less rich ones, hangout in the projects, empathize with people, try to put myself in their shoes while hearing their stories, and educate myself. I also had a great teacher in high school who unlike most, taught us about slavery, black history, and all the unjust things that occurred once slavery was abolished. I don’t want a gold medal for all of this, but I think it’s important to mention for those who lack empathy.
For some reason a lot of white folks feel that since slavery was abolished that means everything has been fine for people of color since then. It truly is mind boggling. They won’t even hear people out and only pass judgment with their assumptions.
What’s most mind boggling to me is that it’s 2020 and the state we are in is not good. It’s so bad it feels like a nightmare. I’ve hated Donald Trump since he ever first decided to run for president. I hate that he had this racist agenda against Obama to the point where he lied and said the man was a Muslim from Kenya and pushed this whole birther conspiracy to the point where the man had to show his birth certificate.
I never thought this man could possibly win the presidency. And to me this was a personal election and it still is. He chose a Vice President who is so disgustingly homophobic he feels gay kids should go to conversion therapy, is against gay marriage, and stands by his views because of his “faith”. Then the president had the nerve to hold a gay flag during his campaign, but won’t acknowledge pride month. He feels adoption agencies should have the right to deny kids loving homes if couples are gay. He is so transphobic that he decided that trans people should not be in our military.
I remember in high school every Halloween I wanted to be a dying polar bear with a small “polar icecap” attached to my ankle. I had envisioned it so well. I wanted to make a statement about global warming and climate change. It’s truly sad that the current president denies its existence. It’s dangerous that he does.
He mocks people who are educated and believe in it and makes it all a joke. And his supporters just eat it all up. One of them actually asked me once what should we expect him to do and that if he got a whole other planet for us we would still complain. Hilarious because he would never get us another planet if he could, maybe he would for himself though. Also, he was making people believe climate change is fake and that it is all a made up joke, and he pulled us out of the green new deal (the very minimum of what we were doing to fight this) and started allowing fossil fuels to ruin our oceans, the list goes on and on, and it is exactly all that he should NOT be doing but okay Becky, carry on...I’ve rolled my eyes so much these past few years I don’t know how they haven’t gotten stuck in the back of my head.
If people actually educate themselves on this man they will see he comes from a white supremacist family and he has done several hateful and racist things throughout his career. He was sued for discriminating against blacks in the 70s for not allowing them to live in his buildings. He literally wrote an article in The NY Times and called for the Central Park five to be lynched, one of the most racist things someone can wish on a group of black kids, because of what he felt they did. They literally were proven innocent and exonerated and he then refused to apologize for it. To this day he will not apologize. Narcissistic people lack empathy and compassion and can’t admit when they are wrong.
He then ran a campaign based on fear mongering, trying to overdramatize an illegal immigration crisis which absolutely is not as bad as he made it. Obviously we need to do something about illegals, but a man who lacks diplomacy and who gives no fucks about what comes out of his mouth will do whatever it takes to win an election. He categorized all Mexicans as rapists, criminals, and drug dealers. He wanted to build a wall which he promised and lied about Mexico paying for. A useless wall as if tunnels don’t exist and as if people don’t fly into the states and stay here illegally. It made absolutely no sense.
He was caught on tape saying since he’s a star he can fuck anyone he wants and just grab women by the pussy. He’s made fun of women for how they look and for their weight, calling them “pigs”. When he himself looks like a fucking pig, he’s so ugly and so orange it makes me want to vomit just looking at him. He literally looks and sounds like Chucky the doll from Childs play. He mocked a disabled reporter, and anyone who questioned him he would attack back ten times harder in the most vicious and vile ways.
The sad thing about this to me is that people loved him for these things, and they even supposedly interpreted it all differently but I don’t think that’s the case. I think the people that support him are the people who want so badly to say the things he would say without the repercussions. But he made it possible for people to say the most ignorant and hateful things without repercussions. He will say something that’s on video for everyone to see or hear and deny he ever said it. He will say he doesn’t know someone when there is photographic proof of it and say these things are “fake news” and his supporters go along with it. Hard to think they aren’t brainwashed.
Once he became president it felt like a really bad dream. For me, it might sound dramatic, but it felt like 9/11 all over again. And of course so much damage has been done since then but his supporters feel he’s only done so much good for the country. Taking all the credit away from Obama for fixing the economy after Bush almost put us through another depression and putting all the credit on Trump since Trump took the credit upon himself. Saying Trump created all these jobs that Obama did after the stock market crashed and he had a whole lot to cleanup after Bush. It’s despicable how people tarnished his legacy with flat out lies. So hard not to think they are just racist.
In Charlottesville there were riots started from white supremacists holding tiki torchers threatening lives of people of color, women, and Jews under Trumps name, and when the targeted people tried to defend themselves some of them got killed. And Trump had the audacity to make it a two sided issue blaming people on both ends and saying both sides had “very fine people” it’s nauseating to even type let alone think about. And then this conspiracy he and his base started pushing about leftists being in a terrorist group called “ANTIFA” spreading all kinds of false propaganda and information about them, as people have done in the past about the black panthers and currently the black lives matter movement. It’s sickening. It’s nauseating. It’s a disgrace. I have been told that this man is no better or worse than any other past president. Okay.....
Everything became “fake news”. He started a war against the media when he was heavily criticized, he literally tried to push so many conspiracy theories and his supporters just ate it all up. To the point where reputable/reliable sources no longer exist to them and absolutely no factual thing on the planet mattered to them or could be presented to them.
Majority of my family supported him. This disgusted me on so many levels that there was a point where I almost wanted to distance myself from them all together. I struggled really hard with how on earth they can support a person like this. I was only able to assume that anyone who can support this man is racist or bigoted in some kind of way.
What’s insane to me is majority of these people are Christian yet Jesus in the Bible went against everything this man was. He fought against the elite who tried to persecute, humiliate, and punish the poor. And here these folks are, supposed Christians, loving a man who is a billionaire, who builds walls, who separates babies from their mothers and has these people put into concentration camp like facilities, drinking out of toilets. Children dying in these facilities. And yet they support this. They even make excuses for his behavior and blame everyone else they possibly can. Obama and the Clinton’s for example.
If you try and explain to them that Obama did not separate families in the same ways they don’t respond or don’t want to hear it. If you explain to them that Obama only separated real criminals, not people just seeking asylum, they don’t want to hear it. And they make excuses for a First Lady who visits kids in these facilities wearing an inappropriate jacket that says “I don’t really care, do you?” Because facts don’t exist anymore as long as they can always be right and continue supporting such a cruel monster. He conspired with foreign countries to try and take down other candidates but no one thinks it is a problem. He literally got away with being impeached because of a senate who lack morals and a back bone. Party before country right?
It truly feels like the twilight zone. It doesn’t feel real that in 2020 we are supporting a white supremacist who acts like a dictator. He even pushed all of our allies away and befriended other dictators such as Putin and Kim Jong Un. We have become a laughing stock in this world.
What blows my mind the most is there are people who belong to oppressed groups who support this. Be it women, people of color, or LGBT. Kanye West went from constantly fighting against racism to being Uncle Tom and don’t even get me started on Caitlyn Jenner. I know women who are pro choice, to the point that they spoke up any time abortion rights were at stake, yet STILL supported this man who is so disgustingly misogynistic to the point where he appointed an accused rapist to be on the Supreme Court mainly because he was anti abortion. But these women still support him, why? I don’t know. Let’s not forget that 19 women accused this man of sexual assault too and he had ties to Jeffery Epstein who was a known pedophile who lead child sex traffic rings and got killed mysteriously in prison.
But of course “what about Bill Clinton?” Right? Yes, I know Clinton has ties to Epstein and has been accused of things too, and you know what? Let him be investigated too. Even though at one point he was and was impeached. It drives me insane that they push this “what aboutism” to make anything this man does okay....Everyone sees that we are now divided more than ever, social media has become a political war zone, and we are constantly at each other’s throats.
The first few years of his presidency I did nothing but post about him and political stuff on social media constantly. I always was arguing or fighting with people. It became so mentally exhausting and draining because there was no possibility of changing people’s minds and I literally was becoming so depressed over it. I was disgusted.
As I was joining more Britney Spears groups on Facebook I made a lot of new friends who shared the same admiration and love I have for Britney. My posts were becoming less political and more pop culture based and I felt myself becoming a happier person. I had enough stress going on in my life and it would take up too much time being glued to a phone screen arguing all day long. Trying to find factual articles and presenting them for it to go absolutely nowhere.
The issue was some of the new friends I made were Trump supporters and I didn’t know it at first. They were such nice people I could not believe it was possible. They were extremely gay friendly and were allies, seemed progressive in a lot of ways, but of course supported someone who was the total opposite. I had to really decide if I could allow Trump supporters in my life or if I could be open minded enough to try and see them not as all the same and all not bad people. Including family.
I have to be honest. This was not an easy decision to make. I have marched in black lives matter protests. I have participated in the women’s march. I have been liberal since I was a kid. My family used to make fun of me and call me “tree hugger”. It disgusted me to my core when I saw black kids and adults on the news be killed left and right unjustly and tortured by cops all for just resisting arrest or defending themselves when being accused of something they didn’t do. Or kids like Trayvon Martin being killed by “neighborhood watch” just for looking suspicious.
Even when taken into custody cops would beat them to death or shoot them to death. And people have the audacity to question why folks stopped trusting police officers and why there were so many protests. People literally hate Beyoncé for making a statement through her music and performances fighting these racial injustices. People actually switch the racist card onto Obama when defending Trump and that I cannot even try to understand for the life of me. People feel such animosity and disgust towards anyone who protests racism and injustice more than they do the racism and injustice itself. I take a knee when the national anthem plays and I will continue to do so till there is justice and real change.
How does one make peace with people like this? How does one make peace with people who vote for politicians who go against people like me or any oppressed group, let alone vote against their own interests? It’s something I always felt like I would refuse to do.
At the end of the day though I had to accept that Trump was president and that was that. I had to accept that people just are the way they are sadly. I mean we have people flipping out over two Latina women rocking the super bowl. JLO and Shakira killed it by the way. But they support a man whose vulgar against women and had an affair with a playboy bunny and married to a First Lady who basically was a porn star with all the times she’s posed nude. The hypocrisy is real. I really didn’t know how to accept these kinds of people in my life. I still don’t most of the time.
I decided for my own peace of mind, I needed to tone it down. All of this was contributing to my depression. At the start of Trumps presidency I was working a grueling job where I worked on my feet constantly and dealt with abuse. I had issues in my relationship and eventually that ended and I lost majority of my friends.
I no longer had the energy to constantly fight anymore. I no longer had the energy to hate everyone who supported this. I had my own battles I needed to deal with. So, I decided it was best to tone it down on social media and to not argue with people in my life about politics. I hate to bite my tongue but it also was an incredible waste of time, and I had to wonder if it was actually worth it losing people I love over this and not allowing people in my life over it. We are all human and we all have opinions. Although sometimes I don’t see some of these issues as difference of opinion.
I mean it’s to the point where people on the left have to constantly admit their faults to try and be heard. We always have to say “both sides have issues” even though in my opinion it’s nowhere near the same on the left. But I do have issues with the left too. Not just the corruption that also exists....
The left are even at each other’s throats. None of them can agree on one candidate, none of them can stick together, some are just as stubborn and closed minded as Trump supporters and this is why we will continue to lose which is sad. Half the people are Bernie or busts and half are too center/right leaning, and the majority of the candidates are literally causing a divide amongst the Democratic Party which will give Trump another win unfortunately.
The hatred on all ends has gotten to me. Madonna has another song that also spoke to me called “Killers who are partying”. She’s sings:
I will be gay, if the gay are burned.
I’ll be Africa, if Africa is shot down.
I will be poor, if the poor are humiliated.
I’ll be a child, if the children are exploited.
I'll be Islam, if Islam is hated...
I'll be Israel (switched to Palestine in her tour), if they're incarcerated...
I'll be Native Indian, if the Indian has been taken.
And I'll be a woman, if she's raped and her heart is breaking... I know what I am (God knows what I am)
And I know what I'm not (and He knows what I'm not)
Do you know who you are?
Will we know when to stop?
My question is, will we ever know when to stop? All the division and hatred in this world increases more and more each day. This song spoke to me though because I consider myself an overly empathetic person and I feel like I have tried to understand all different types of peoples every day struggles. It kills me to see anyone face hatred and bigotry of any kind, especially since I have experienced some of it myself. And it kills me that people could close their eyes to it or choose to be blinded by it or participate in it even.
Lady Gaga also has a song on her “Joanne” album called “come to mama” which is also important and I learned a lot from it as well. It’s about how both sides need to cut it out and love each other. She sings “Come tomorrow who are you gonna follow? There's gonna be no future if we don't figure this out”. She also ends the song with:
“Why do we gotta tell each other how to live?
The only prisons that exist are ones we put each other in”.
I got to the point where I agree completely. We are all brothers and sisters and we need to learn to walk among each other and be less angry. The anger is literally tarring us up and eating us alive. It’s making us so miserable and depressed and it’s not a way of life. Even if people are supporting someone like Trump. Even if people interpret things completely different. It does boggle my mind that people try and take away from peoples experiences. It does blow my mind that if someone felt something triggered them because it came off as racist or bigoted, someone else thinks they have the right to make that person feel stupid.
I will accept Trump supporters into my life because I have to. I have to work with them, be related to them, and accept them. If they can’t accept me though then that’s on them. And a lot can’t but a lot do so I am grateful for that. Will I ever be able to be super close with a Trump supporter? Probably not. But I am a much happier person because I don’t let this shit control my life or eat me alive anymore.
I do have a plea for Trump supporters though, republicans, and conservatives:
Majority of you are white straight men. Some of you (not
many) are women, some of you are LGBT or people of color even. Majority of you will never know what it’s like to deal with such hatred and oppression. Majority of you look at anyone who protests racism or oppression with disgust and don’t hear the pleas and the pain. Majority of you are too privileged to really try to understand things you know nothing about. Please, I beg of you, cut it out. Hear people out even if you disagree with them, and never make people feel stupid for feeling how they do.
And to people on the left: Get your damn shit together and unify now because we have a good chance of losing again. Stop being at each other’s throats, come to your senses and understand there are too many different people on the left with different ideas and you will have to vote for a candidate you might not love or agree with. We have too much at stake here. I have no expectations and I feel in my gut we will lose and Trump will win again. But I do hope we will eventually learn from all of this. On both ends. Because it will go down in history books as the most chaotic moments in modern history.
To everyone...”Everybody’s got to love each other. Stop throwing stones at your sisters and your brothers. Man it wasn’t that long ago, we were all living in the jungle. So why do we gotta, put each other down? When there’s more than enough love to go around”. “Why do we gotta, fight over ideas? We’re talkin the same old shit after all of these years”.
Happy Valentine’s Day, love not only your significant other but yourself and your brothers and your sisters. And vote in the upcoming elections like your life depends on it!
Songs to go with post:
American Life Madonna:
God Control Madonna:
Killers Who Are Partying Madonna:
Come To Mama Lady GaGa:
Louis Capici works in the health field and plays a role in saving lives. He writes on the side to express his views and thoughts on life.